Sunday, June 27, 2004

We've Moved! 

My darling Milk Monster has been generous enough to allow me some space to house my blog at her fab new website.

See you there!


Wednesday, June 23, 2004

The Rise of the Monkey 

On Monday when we went down to breakfast we noticed the distinctive stench of monkey in the house. This made us a little nervous, as we had no wish to see a repeat of the Monkey Fountain display of recent days. However, water from the sink seemed to be draining away, albeit a little slowly, so we decided that watchful waiting would be the best policy to adopt. In the meantime I decided to visit the new DIY store that has just opened in town, and purchase some tools designed to extricate stuck monkeys - a long bendy pokey thing, a super dooper power pumpy thing and a can of compressed air (lemon scented). Once home, said items were deployed and any monkeys that might have been hanging around contemplating getting themselves stuck were well and truly scared off. Job done.

Yesterday morning when we went down to breakfast we noticed the distinctive stench of monkey in the house. Ostrich. Obviously this wasn't a problem that was going to go away. MMD decided that he urgent action needed to be taken before the monkeys started to invade the house again. The logical thing to do would be to lift the drain covers and see just how many monkeys were down there. There are two drain covers in our garden, set into the patio. There is one patio in our garden which, due to the ongoing entrenchment, was temporarily buried under a 4 tonne pile of soil. Double ostrich.

Once the soil had been shoveled to another patch of the garden (one which we're sure provides no access to any sort of services) we tentatively lifted the drain covers. A large crusty mass of monkeys was sitting 6 inches below the cover. It didn't smell good. We covered it up again pretty quickly.

The man from the council came, along with his stooge, and peered down the hole.
"It's full of monkey" he said.
Very astute, the man from the council.
"But I'm afraid it's not our responsibility" he said.

So we called the nice man from DynoRod, who stuck his high pressure nozzle in the hole and scared the monkeys off for good.

We also took a look under the manhole cover in the garage. Up until now we've assumed that it's another connection to the sewer, so we wanted to make sure there weren't any monkeys in there either. Turns out it's nothing to d with the sewer - there's a ten foot deep hole which opens out into a cavern the size of a small bedroom. We couldn't see any further. We've no idea what it is - possibly a storm drain.

There was one good outcome - whilst we were shovelling soil from one side of the garden to the other, we found real buried treasure! Solid silver, hallmarked and everything! According to Google, it was made in London in 1906 by George Jackson and David Fullerton.

CNPS - 29
Good - Yarr! Piratey treasure.
Bad - Enough monkeys to sell tea to the Yanks.
Teeth - 2
Pink - 5ml


Monday, June 21, 2004

Ho hum 

It's been a busy weekend doing not very much. The Milk Monster was gracious enough to grant us a lie-in on Saturday, and I spent most of the morning pootling around the house doing Nothing Very Much while MMD went into town to order more supplies for the fortifications. After lunch a couple of friends dropped by unexpectedly for cuddles with the Monster, and I spent a very pleasant couple of hours catching up with the gossip while MMD readied himself for a school reunion in Reading.

I had felt a little nervous about this reunion thing - what if MMD bumped into an old flame and found himself instantly transported back to the days of his youth? It turns out that I needn't have worried - a few of the girls from the adjacent school were there, but by all accounts the intervening years hadn't been kind to them.

As MMD was staying in a hotel so that he could partake of the alcohol, I was alone with the Monster for the evening. Once I'd helped the Monster to make a Father's Day card, and cuddled her to bed, I set about making a batch of gluten free biscotti, as we have run out and I'd also promised to send some to Stu. Biscotti is supposed to look like this, but somewhere in the process I must have had a concentration lapse cos when it came to cutting it into slices for the second baking it all fell apart. I did consider giving it a second baking anyway and passing it off as gluten free muesli, but in the end I did the decent thing and fed it to the birds instead. Sorry Stu! I'll have another go soon.

Somewhat disheartened, I sought solace in the chatroom, where at least one person was somewhat the worse for wear. And very entertaining (and educational) it was too.

I finally staggered to bed at silly o'clock, having first retrieved the Monster from her cot.

MMD got home this morning on a high - which was improved still further by the home made card and "I'm The Daddy" t-shirt that the Monster gave him. Without further ado we set off with our tails up to purchase a shiny - and following some technermological jiggery pokery this evening, our ADSL router is up and running so we don’t have to fight over the internet connection any more. Hurrah! MMD also bought me an early birthday present. It pans and tilts all on its own and reminds me of my favourite robot.

CNPS - Still 28 despite trawling round the huge carpark at the shopping centre.
Good - New shinies!
Bad - It's 1am and I should have been in bed hours ago.
Teeth - 2.
Pink - 5ml.


Friday, June 18, 2004

Going Through The Motions. 

I'm going to be a bit distracted for the next few days. Yesterday was rather draining, so I'm restricting my time on the poop deck until the bilges have been pumped and the decks well and truly swabbed.

Oh, I got my blood test results back. My blood isn't treacly anymore, it's more like a light maple syrup - according to my rather dashing Doctor this is a Good Thing. Hurrah!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Daddy's Girl 

Milk Monster's Dad has been harbouring a suspicion for a while that I have the better deal out of this "one parent stays at home while the other goes out to earn spondoolies" arrangement that we have. Every day he leaves a smiling happy baby in the morning, slaves away in the office, then comes home to a smiling happy baby. His suspicion is that the Milk Monster is smiling and happy all day, and that I do indeed have a cushty job of it back at the ranch.

He's absolutely right. Due to some quirk of genetics, a lot of luck and exposure to vast amounts of chocolate whilst in utero, the Milk Monster is one of those babies that believes life is great, entertains herself for hours on end, and only cries when her teeth hurt (and then only until we give her some pink). I don't deserve her.

As if to cement MMD's suspicions that he's missing out on all the fun, he had to change his shirt 3 times when he got home last night as the Milk Monster decided that what he was wearing needed livening up a bit. Just to top the evening off she gave him a classic demonstration of the "Fountain of Spew" trick when MMD was drying her off after her bath.

Poor Daddy.

CNPS - 28.
Good - 2 Galaxy Ripples.
Bad - Baby sick.
Teeth - 2.
Pink - 0.


Monday, June 14, 2004

Risky Business 

As the Milk Monster is becoming increasingly mobile, we've decided that the time is right to think about rearranging things around the house to make it a little safer.

I'm quite a safety conscious person, and finally all those years of Risk Assessments that I did when I had a job were going to pay off. I decided that I'd start with the kitchen, as this would give me a good reason to sort through the larder, and I might just manage to do something more useful with the three cupboards that are currently full of junk that we never use.

When carrying out a Risk Assessment it's important to put yourself in the position of the person who will be exposed to the potential hazards. Since that person is only 70cm tall and will be travelling about on hands and knees for quite some time, I sat myself down in the middle of the kitchen floor and took a good look around. And it was scary. The numerous items within reach that could cause harm included:

1. The coffee grinder
2. The chopping blades for the food processor
3. The various highly caustic cleaning products under the sink
4. The huge number of plastic bags in another cupboard
5. The First Aid kit
6. The knife drawer
7. The cheese grater
8. The oven

After procrastinating for a while in the chat room I finally set to work. Unfortunately a 7-year-old tin of prunes in the larder waylaid me, so I didn't actually get very far. But at least it gives me something to look forward to tomorrow.

CNPS - 28. I need to go out more.
Good - The bread and butter pudding MMD brought home for tea.
Bad - The local chemist only sells the sugar free version of pink, which the Monster spits out.
Teeth - 2.
Pink - 0.



Hooray! After 4 days finally I can blog again!


Sunday, June 13, 2004

I was going to blog but... 

... I've just finished watching the footy. Gutted.

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